My Saddest Day

So, I don't really know where to begin b/c it has been almost two years since I have blogged. Ashley #2 thought that since I loved reading others blogs that it may help if I started my blog back. I don't know if I will keep this up, but hey I am going to try.

My life has been a complete world wind since January or maybe even before then. I guess that is all that I can really think about right now. I lost my "Mikey" on January 6th of this year. I will never forget the way that I felt or how that I found out. It will always stand out in my mind. On Janauary 5th I was at work and I talked to Mikey two times that day which is so rare. We were trying to surprise mom with a birthday dinner b/c the next day was her birthday. We had it all planned out. I had ordered her a brand new camera from both of us and he bought the sd card for it. It was going to be the best surprise ever. He was bringing the pork chops and we were going to work together in the kitchen to make our masterpiece. We loved working in the kitchen together. He didn't really like cooking with mom b/c he said she got in the way, but he never minded me in there. I went to bed that night, trying to decide how I was going to clean everything else up before he got there so we could get everything done.

Josh's phone rang at 5:45 that morning on January 6th. I knew that it was unusual but not really alarming b/c he has to get up for work early and it sounded like his work phone that rang. He got up and then he walked into the kitchen. His voice changed some while he was talking, but it woke me up. He wasn't on the phone long and then I saw him let Chloe out. I asked him why someone from work was calling that early. He came and sat beside me on the bed. He said" baby it wasn't someone from work. It was Moo Moo. I immediately sat up in the bed. He said it's Mikey.Something has happened and he said he's gone. I screamed and screamed and started kicking and screaming. I hollered no, no you are lieing and started hitting him and was uncontrollable. He said that he went fast and he doesn't know what happened. His arm started hurting and he woke mom up and she was going to take him to the hospital and he just fell out and died. I was so out of it, that he said Moo Moo is in the driveway to get you to take you to your mom. You need to get ready. I didn't know how to get ready! I didn't know how to even stand. How was I going to see my mom like this? What was I going to do? How was I going to be able to help? I just collapsed on the floor!Moo Moo came in and said baby she needs you, she needs you. All I could cry out was "NOT MY DADDY"! I got in the car with Moo Moo and a 10 minute commute felt like it took an hour. I just wanted to get to my mom to hold her. I remember not being able to get the car stopped and jumping out of the car and running in the house. There was about 6 people there and there my mom sat. In her chair with her ECU sweatshirt on crying and I just felt like a little girl again. I went running to her and I just jumped her lap. We just held each other and cried for a long time. It is still hard to beleive he is gone.
The next few days feel like a complete blur to me. I remember alot of people and I remember having to make alot of decisions, but what I remember most is the look on my moms face. She had lost her soul mate and best friend and I had lost my daddy. We had so many friends to support us in the this time of need. So many people gave money, food, gifts, prayers and just love. The day of his funeral came and I could hardly control myself. The service was beautiful. There was over 600 people at the funeral and Ashley Manning did a beautiful thing by reading the poem. Jony, Terri and Janine had helped me with the slide show, and Moo Moo helped coordinate the music. There was over 100 people that stood outside in the cold to see us and when the preacher said amen it began to snow. I know that was Mikes and God's way of saying he is ok and he is with God. Clint did a great jonb on the service and portrayed Mike as a man that he truly was!
We have made it through almost two months and it hasn't been easy. I know that each day will get harder for awhile, but we just have to keep seeking God's help and his support and stick together. I go and stay with my mom once during the week and on the weekends most of the time. I know it helps her, but it is also for me too. I have a certain peace when I go to there house and crawl on his side of the bed. I just feel closer to him. Also, what child doesn't like smelling and being close to their mom when they are sad?

I had to get this all out, to say now this is out and....... tomorrow is a new day! I am not saying I won't have bad days, but I am trying with all my might to be happy again. I know that it will take me awhile, but I have to do it. Mike wouldn't want me to be sad, Josh needs his old wife back, and Jenna needs her mommy!